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[personal profile] cupcakegirla
Title: Love's First Light
Pairing: JR Celski/Nathan Adrian
Series: Skinsuits and Swimsuits
Rating: NC-17
Summary: JR’s on his stomach, body curled toward him, sheets pushed down to his waist to expose his whole back. His hair is getting too long, and it’s messy, sticking up in odd angles, thick tuffs clumped together in various directions like some demented cartoon character. His eyes are closed, his brow smooth and flawless, and his lips open just a bit, to let him breathe easily through his mouth. He’s beautiful. He’s gorgeous. And Nathan’s in love with him.
Author’s Note: My Christmas Present for D. My Twin! You’re amazing!

Summer 2011

When Nathan felt himself first starting to fall for JR, there was a specific moment where he can distinctly remember warning himself not too. Love is complicated and stressful. It affects the mind and the body. It changes how you see the world. Your priorities, your lifestyle, how you spend your time. Nothing is the same after you fall. And he wasn’t sure he wanted that. Nathan wasn’t sure he was ready.

Nathan doesn’t know any of this from experience. He’s never been in love before. But he likes his chick flicks, and he has friends, family. He’s watched people sink more and more into the feelings they’ve developed for another person, and subsequently been unable to free themselves completely from the trap. It sounds cynical when he describes it that way. But it’s true. His sister. His brother. His best friend from high school, Jake. They all fell in love so completely that it changed everything. He’s watched the process, the love sick puppy eyes, and post sex relaxation, the anger and fear of a fight, and pain of a break up. The longing, and the lust. The distraction it’s caused some of his fellow swimmers is sort of legendary. The epic love story of Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte is a prime example. He can’t afford that. Not heading into London.

So he has a moment, when things are still new, when he likes JR, wants JR, and he knows he’s getting ready to fall, but he hasn’t quite gone over that cliffs edge of emotion yet, and he considered it. He’d considered backing off and walking away. Of being just friends with JR. Of protecting himself. But he didn’t.

JR was, is, amazing. He’s smart, and kind, and beautiful. He’s dedicated to his family and his school work and his friends. He loves his sport with a passion and determination that Nathan responds too on a basic level. And he’s hot.

And Nathan let himself fall. And he’s never really regretted it. Not when he gets to say JR is his, and he is JR’s. Because JR gets him. He understands his quirks. He knows when to leave Nathan alone and when to push. He knows when to tease, and poke and prod, and when to slide up behind him and just let Nathan lean against him for a change. He likes that JR is low maintenance and independent, but will also seek out Nathan when he’s down and will occasionally harass Nathan into leaving his carefully scheduled existence to go see a movie or go to a concert. And soon Nathan feels it. All the stuff he was afraid of in that one moment of doubt.

He chooses hanging out watching JR practice at the rink over going out with his friends. He likes helping him study for his math tests, and teaching him what little Chinese he knows. He likes that JR gets Shakespeare and the Classics, and can walk him through what is so damn fascinating about Philosophy. Eventually though they do fight and they practically break up at the end of that first semester and it hurts. It’s like a punch to the stomach, a knife to the heart to know he’s hurt JR. He’s let his own stubbornness, insecurities, and hang ups ruin something awesome. So he makes the same choice a second time. He goes after JR, and gets him back. He wants him back. He wants him for a long time. (He refuses to think the word forever. They’re way too young for that kind of talk.)

So it’s no surprise that when given the opportunity to go on vacation with JR he jumps at the chance. It’s late summer, just before school starts, but it’s the only time they can go. Nathan has World Championships (with training camp before that), and JR has his own summer training camp in Utah at the Olympic Oval and the National Team. So for a solid month they don’t see each other in person. Instead they spend every single night skyping and trying not to mope around during the day whining about not seeing each other. If the looks Nathan’s kept getting from Matt and Mike are any indication, he did not succeed in that endeavor.

They spend a week in Washington visiting their perspective families, and then leave from Seattle to Hawaii. They get only 4 days, but they’re determined to make the best of the trip.

Which is how Nathan ends up in this moment. This perfect wonderful moment. They’re staying in a mid-priced hotel on the big island. Nothing fancy. Something with an ocean view, beach access, and the ugliest bed covers Nathan’s ever seen in his life. The sun’s just coming up and they’d fallen asleep the night before with the drapes pulled back and the balcony doors open. JR’s still sleeping. His head turned away from the golden light streaming through the sliding glass doors. It’s turning the whole room a warm golden orange, and a sea breeze is coming in through the window, filling the room with the smell of ocean salt, and flower blossoms, and sand.

JR’s on his stomach, body curled toward him, sheets pushed down to his waist to expose his whole back. His hair is getting too long, and it’s messy, sticking up in odd angles, thick tuffs clumped together in various directions like some demented cartoon character. His eyes are closed, his brow smooth and flawless, and his lips open just a bit, to let him breathe easily through his mouth. He’s beautiful. He’s gorgeous. And Nathan’s in love with him.

He’d known it before. He’d known it for months and months. He’d said it a hundred times by this point, and he’d always meant it. But it means something more just then. In this moment it means everything. Nathan can feel it spreading through his whole body in a wave of emotion. It’s more than lust. More than need. Or admiration. It’s stronger than affection. It’s love, and with it comes a stinging fear of loss.

He doesn’t want to ever lose this. Not ever. And he knows they’re young, JR’s only 21, and that it hasn’t even been a year, but in that moment Nathan wants forever. He wants everything with JR. He wants to go with JR to Sochi, and maybe if JR wants on to Pyeong-Chang. He wants JR with him in London and Rio and (if he keeps swimming) even at the games after that. He wants to marry JR, and buy a house with JR, and he doesn’t even know… maybe adopt babies with JR? He wants to grow old with him, watch him age with dignity, and document each change that happens to his body. He wants to watch him every step of the way as he earns his laugh lines, and grey hairs, and a cabinet full of Olympic medals. He wants family holidays, and fights over the remote control, and compromises over dinner and paint swatches and baby names. He wants all of it. With JR.

The realization makes him physically react. He gasps, taking in a quick sharp breath of air. It’s barely loud enough for it to register in Nathan’s ears, but nonetheless it’s enough to wake JR. His eyes blink open slowly. His brown eyes are almost gold in the yellow sunlight filling the room, and he blinks slowly as his eyes focus on Nathan’s face, a smile spreading across his mouth.

“Hey,” JR whispers, uncurling one hand and reaching for Nathan. Nathan slides closer, fitting his head on the end of JR’s pillow, knees pressing into JR’s shins, and eyes tracing the curve of JR’s mouth, and the length of his eye lashes. God, he’s really gone.

JR arches his back and sighs, his arms sliding around Nathan’s waist to tug his body closer, pressing them together bare skin to bare skin. “You’re up early. Couldn’t sleep?” he asks, voice rough. Nathan shakes his head.

“Nah. Too busy thinkin’,” he replies. He slides his arm around JR’s side to press his open palm to the smooth skin of JR’s back. JR’s body is sleep warm, and his back rises and falls with each slow steady breath he takes in and lets out. Nathan’s almost mesmerized.

“Thinking? About what?” JR asks, voice teasing. He inches his face closer to Nathan’s on their shared pillow. Nathan bites his lip, wondering whether to tell the truth or not. In the end he decides to just go for it.

“How utterly and completely in love with you I am,” he replies. He watches shock and delight spread across JR’s face, his soft smile ratcheting up into a full on grin, and his eyes closing in pleased embarrassment. His cheeks even turn the slightest bit pink. Nathan smiles. He’d been expecting teasing. A comment about being a sappy romantic, not this shocked pleasure.

“Yeah?” JR asks, hand flexing against Nathan’s shoulder blade. Nathan nods, leaning closer to press his forehead to JR’s, their noses brushing as he angles his head.

“Yeah,” he replies, lips grazing JR’s in a phantom kiss. JR’s eyes fly open, his arm tightening around Nathan again, almost unconsciously.

“I love you, too,” JR whispers. Nathan smiles, his mouth spreading wide where it’s hovering over JR’s. JR lets out a soft lap. “Even if you are a big sappy romantic,” JR teases. Nathan lets out a squawk of outrage, but it’s cut off when JR’s mouth presses hard to his, tongue diving deep, and body surging closer.

Nathan presses back, lips dancing against JR’s, one hand sliding up to cradle the side of JR’s face, as Nathan tilts his head to a different even deeper angle. JR’s whole body shudders against his, one strong thigh sliding up and over Nathan’s hip to bring their bodies into closer, tighter contact. Nathan’s pelvis rocks forward against JR’s, his erection sliding with practiced care against JR’s.

That’s all it takes really. Suddenly it’s all gasping mouths, clenching hands, and deep searching kisses.

Nathan would probably never admit it, but he likes it this way the best. First thing in the morning, both of them warm and just a touch sleepy. Nathan likes starting his day this way, with JR and an orgasm that’s the result of a long slow build. It’s, quite frankly, the best way to start a day.

It’s slower than usual, less frantic. JR never whines about stubble, or too much time spent on the build-up. Instead he’s pliant and eager, hands gripping and body shifting up against Nathan, eyes closing and staying that way for long stretches of time. Nathan secretly thinks JR likes it best this way too.

JR groans, arching his head back against the pillows. Nathan kisses up his neck, shifting closer, and pushing deeper. JR gasps, eyes blinking slowly open, and a grin spreading across his face.

“More,” he says. Nathan shifts his angle, pressing deep and staying there for one beat, maybe two, before pulling away and then pressing deep again. JR whines, scrubbing a hand through his hair and then reaching for Nathan’s shoulders. “Nathan,” he says, voice breathless and wanting. “Please!”

This is new. JR does not, as a rule, beg. Only when he really really can’t help himself. The thought makes Nathan groan, his hips snapping forward hard and fast. JR shouts, arms and legs gripping Nathan tight, yanking him closer. He picks his head up, mouth pressing to Nathan’s, teeth finding Nathan’s lower lip and nipping there. Nathan gasps tugging away. JR grins at him, looking smug.

Nathan shakes his head, ducking down to press his face to the side of JR’s neck, letting his hips stutter to a slow stop. JR whines.

“You fucker!” he curses.

Nathan lets out a shaky laugh, his mouth open and panting for air against the curve of JR’s jaw.

“Stop rushing,” he whispers. “We have all day. Remember?” JR pushes at his shoulders until Nathan lifts himself back, and he can look down at JR’s furious face.

“We’re on vacation. Now is not the time for taking all day. It’s the time for cramming as many orgasms into our day as possible, you jackass,” he sneers. Nathan meets his eyes, and holds them until JR gives in and cracks. The laughter that finally bubbles out is loud and genuine and his whole body shakes with it. “Ok. That wasn’t exactly true. I just,” he shifts his hips, and before Nathan realizes what he’s doing, Nathan has rolled them over, and is sitting astride his hips, thighs tight against Nathan’s legs, and face triumphant. “I want it. Now,” he demands. And Nathan can do nothing but lay there and moan, let JR take what he wants, and keep loving him more and more by the minute.

“Ok, ok,” he concedes, hands going to JR’s hips, pulling him down harder on the second half of his thrust. “Have it your way for now. But next time I want slow and steady,” he reasons. JR scoffs, rolling his hips, and looking down at Nathan through half-lidded eyes.

“We’ll see about that later, Mr. Adrian,” JR teases. “For now we’re doing this my way.” Nathan can’t really object. Relationships are about compromise, aren’t they?

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